Formal Complaint Against Street View Maps

You saw it coming but nobody listened. While you were writing your impassioned grumbling letter to the Daily Mail outlining the many ways in which Google Street Maps is a gross invasion of your privacy those hooligans in their hoodies have snuck in and made off with the television.

One cannot help but marvel at the tragic inevitabilty of it all; of course the house was in public view before, to any Tom, Dick, Harry or criminal who occasioned to walk down the street. But now people can really see it, from all four sides, without having to walk around the block first - and that, unfortunately, can only lead to one thing; ne'er do wells finding your front door (which of course was very well hidden up until now), kicking it down,and pilfering your valuables.

You could take solace in the fact that the aforementioned burgalars hand-picked your house (yours!!) from the thousands on display in the great web-based swag catalogue that is Google Maps. And the fact that, as the site is clearly the work of Beelzebub himself, there is little that any of us mere mortals can do to halt the havoc it will ultimately wreak on our quiet middle class enclosures.

You could also congratulate yourself for the elite class of pillager that your humble abode has been able to attract - after all, this rather resourceful member of the criminal underclass had both the cutting edge equipment and the technological know-how to locate your house on Google and take a good look at it from all four sides, potentially also from above, before being consumed by the desire to steal its contents. In fact it was even likely that the fellow in question didn't even need your television; as, if he is the proud owner of both a computer and an internet connection all evidence points towards his already owning one. But he chose to steal yours anyway. Now that is something.

Not only that but imagine the distance he who masterminded the television heist must have covered in order to rob your humble abode. After all, he must have needed Google Maps in order to discover that the tv set was ripe for the picking and therefore must some sort of of out-of-town criminal, from whom your home would have remained completely obscured had it not been for those Google folk sticking their oar in. Your television was stolen by someone whom can only be adequately described as the Bill Gates/Michael Palin of the thieving world; if nothing else, this is a great achievement.

But this is all besides the point. You are sadly now without a television; punishment, it would seem for your having a home which looks so nice from the outside; four lovely walls and a roof! A dead giveaway, if there ever was one, that this house in particular contains - or rather did contain - a television. Those Google people have a great deal to answer for.

The only guarantee, it would appear, for the safeguarding of future televisions within your home is to make sure that the image of your home is permanently removed from that ghastly site, thus reinstating your home's invisibility to the common thief - well, the well off, computer literate thief anyway. Why shouldn't you campaign for those horrible Street View people to be stopped in their tracks?

Google has made work for idle hands, and, quite frankly, they owe you a new television.

There is nothing else for it. An Englishman's home is his castle and yours has definitly been under siege for long enough. Down with Google!

They have captured a lovely likeness of next door's gazebo though, it would be a shame if that had to go as well..