Love's Inhibitions Lost

14th March 2009

Hannah, the ray of light shining through the otherwise dismal fog of Manchester life,

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you that I was unable to make the aforementioned magazine launch due to an engagement with employment that I unfortunately was unable to avoid having chosen to work last Monday and Tuesday in lieu of Saturday, enabling me to attend the birthday celebrations of my dear friend Hudson. I reflect upon this missed opportunity with considerable regret as I almost certainly missed out on making the acquaintance of my future husband, however, I am heartened by memories of Saturday night and by the consideration that my meeting Prince Charming has simply been deferred, not aborted.

Saturday was an evening of debauchery of the sort only possible in Sheffield among ones childhood acquaintances. My copious wine consumption was facillitated not only by personal nature but also by the presence of the one who had previously incited my internal butterflies. I am weak Hannah. I am powerless to maintain platonic feelings of friendship towards him and Saturday was not the occasion for any alteration to be made to this unfortunate situation. Fearing my enduring feelings of love would be left unreciprocated I sought to avoid conversing with the object of my affections for as long as possible but, alas, he sought me out before the first sip of chardonnay had passed my lips. The night then passed as nights often do; clouded in drunken haze and with great gaps where memory fails. However, the recollection I do have is of my love comforting me during my regular drunken emotional outburst, and putting his arm around me at the bar.

The advice I recieved from my female companions upon relating my situation was to sever all contact with him. My mistake, it would appear, was not refuting this advice but merely informing the dear man that I was to take it. He made a very convincing case against my avoidance of him and asked me to see him in secret, thus keeping my friends happy. This was not before he had confessed his love for me, twice. Having put the night down to the effect of inebriation and the joy at a reunion with my estranged ex, I chose to ignore any romantic disclosures on his part. However, the whole episode was reawoken on Wednesday night at around 2am when I recieved a phonecall from none other than the object of my misguided affections who appeared to be under the influence of alcohol once again. We conversed for over an hour.

What does it all mean Hannah? Am I to believe that I have an admirer in **** and that he still harbours feelings of love towards me, as I am somewhat convinced I do towards him? Or am I to believe that the combination of alcohol and boredom caused him to project his frustrations on to the nearest available target? He is, of course, completely aware of my lingering feelings for him.It is, upon consideration of the previous weekends debauchery, as well as my continuing quest for a smaller waistline that I have decided to give up alcohol for the forseeable future.

So far I have been sucessful in my endeavor although I fear I have a long 20 weeks ahead of me.I would greatly appreciate your input on what is proving to be a great preoocupation for me as well as your support for the monumental task I have in front of me! Please regale me with details of your own life and loves, I hope they are not as rich with drama as mine!

It is impossible to communicate within the confines of an international email the immense longing I have for an evening of Gavin and Stacey and Chinese dining however, I hope you will take the time to imagine it.

Love always,
Chloe.xxxx